_{picture credit: Zoe Kunz (@kunz961)}

Yesterday was an incredibly important day for me. I guess you already know, it was the Trans Day of Remembrance. What you may not have known yet, it was the first time I actually attended a real life protest and was able to pull through with it. Not the first time I tried, but the first two attempts were unsuccessful.

I know, that may be surprising because I am trying to be an activist online for almost a year now, but doing it irl is something different somehow and it scared me. First time I had planned (a counter protest against a rightwing-protest against drag shows) I ended up not even going because I was too scared of being attacked. Second time, I went, but had to leave again soon, because I couldn’t stand how the police treated the organizers like they were criminals or rioters and how they looked at all of the attendants. I couldn’t bear the thought of being perceived as “problem”, bc before my coming out i have never had any personal bad experience with the police, and thought problems like police brutality were just isolated incidents and not a structural thing.
So yeah, yesterday I managed to stay all the way and even help a little by transporting stuff along the route.

The experience was an incredible one. I was moved, happy, sad and angry and all at once.

Moved and happy, because there were so many people there, all unique and beautiful souls, and yet all united by the fact, that we won’t stand anymore for a world where we have to hide and where rightwingers, so called “conservatives” and Terfs decide about our fates, bodies and rights. And I was also happy that it was a completely peaceful protest, with no interruptions by fascists, or other problems.

Sad and angry, because there is still so much hate in the world and the necessity to have protests like this and fight for our rights. Some of the speeches were really difficult to listen to for me personally, bc they resonated so much with me. But what really got to me and what still haunts me today was the list of the names of those who have been killed. It was incredibly important that all names were read, because reducing all those beautiful souls to a single number would be not respecting them. But still, as the list went on, it got harder and harder to listen to. The fact that every single name meant a life lost and the list just kept on going……i couldn’t hold back my tears. I wished it would stop, to run away and not deal with the pain anymore.

But in the end, we have no choice. We can’t run away. We can’t be silent. We can’t hide. Because the haters would never stop until they took every last of our human rights from us. So I am now – more than ever – convinced that I’m doing the right thing by doing what I try to do here. Spread visibility and raise awareness.

We are here! We are queer! We won’t live our lives in fear!