Back to work

by | Mar 6, 2024 | General Thoughts, Mental Health

Hello my beautiful souls, and once more sorry for not writing something sooner, but sadly I didn’t have the spoons to be more active, because I still had to process things. But on the bright side, everything is well for me currently.

My stay at the cptsd clinic has been over for a month now and I haven’t had a single really bad day or relapse into old behavior or thought patterns since then. I’ve honestly never had such a long stable and happy phase in my whole life. In addition, I am also in the process of phasing out my antidepressants and have already arrived at the minimum dosage and will soon try to stop taking them completely. How much the rehab has helped me and how much insight I have gained about my past mistakes and toxic traits and how much I found positive coping mechanisms to deal with my trauma can barely be put into words. Maybe I’ll try to elaborate more on this in the future.

But I can say with full conviction, after the very difficult last year of working through my trauma and ending several relationships, I am now standing here, living alone for the first time in my life, being single, and will go back to work tomorrow and in spite of all these challenges, I am doing very well and I am satisfied with my life and my development.

I know it probably sounds strange, but the stay at the clinic has really changed me. For the first time in my life I am truly and honestly really proud of myself and like myself the way I am. In the past, I have so often tried to feel this way, but barely – if at all – managed to do so and only for short periods of time, like a few days max. And now, this seems to be tmy new status quo. I can’t begin to describe how happy this makes me, because truth be told, I had almost given up hope that there is happiness in life for me after I had that big suicidal relapse after my transition. I felt like the transition was my last chance at being happy, and even if it improved my life and mental health greatly, I still couldn’t be really happy. I now know, that’s because even though being closeted added to my mental struggles, most of my problems came from my untreted cptsd and untreated adhd. But now, I finally tackled all of my problems and it seems, I am finall finding my way to true happiness.

I wanted to share this before going back to work tomorrow, because I sincerely hope it can give a little courage to others who are currently going through difficult times. To show those struggling souls among you that no matter how bad it looks at the moment, it CAN always get better again. So if you’re struggling, don’t give up on yourself, fight for your happiness, you can do it. I believe in every single one of you beautiful souls.

Love, your galpal Val


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